I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
