He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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