He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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