I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
