no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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