I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
