I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
