Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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