I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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