is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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