Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
