First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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