You can't motorboat a personality
the condom got lost in my hair
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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