Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
