What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
