So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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