he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
