You just made me feel so damn special
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
