At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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