i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
