come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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