Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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