Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
