weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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