I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
