I didn't shave. On purpose
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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