Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
