this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
