1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
