i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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