Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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