So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
