I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
