I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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