i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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