she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
