New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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