apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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