well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
