Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
