All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
