I accidentally burped into my bong.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
