i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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