I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
