thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
