If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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