i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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