I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
