Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
another moral hangover. fuck.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
