I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
