Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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