did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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