After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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