dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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