Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
