My hair reeks of homosexuality.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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