Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
