I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
