I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
