Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
