I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
