My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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