so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
