Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
