I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
