I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
