My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
