yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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