he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
