the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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